I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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