dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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