In the future we'll all be gay
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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