You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
