She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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