how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
