Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
