Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize