Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
