I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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