i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
