I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
