I wish I could teleport
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
