she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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