mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
