Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
