I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
