from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
