His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
