I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
