is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
