the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
