Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
