His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize