Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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