...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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