I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
