One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
