Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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