so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
