Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
