me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
