I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
