She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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