I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
