3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
