I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
