i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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