I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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