She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
