what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
