3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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