Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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