dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
