I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
