put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She bit a glass in half.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
