I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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