WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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