I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
