I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is wine microwaveable?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
