Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
