If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
