I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
