I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
