this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
