i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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