I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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