Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we should paint friendship bongs
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