And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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