Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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