I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
