I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
