Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
