she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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