mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
