so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
