Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
