adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
