Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bring me that man meat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
