Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
