u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
