Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
