I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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