the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
