I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
